In 1998, a front-page tragedy and a rough handwritten poem became the quiet heartcry that shaped the next twenty-seven years of my life. This Advent, I look back at how God took that cry from a 28-year-old former addict and opened doors into recovery work, ministry, and even academic study — from leaving school at 15 to pursuing a PhD. Hope fuelled then. Hope fulfilled now. Hope still needed — and still given.

A walk through Lochwood Farm becomes a journey through history, memory, and faith. From medieval bishops to industrial tycoons, from childhood wanderings to spiritual rebirth, this is a story of land long bound by power—and the quiet hope that it might finally be shared.

“Don’t Die on That Hill” Not every conflict is a hill to die on. But some are. This reflection explores leadership, listening, and the difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking — all in light of Calvary’s cross. A call to lead with wisdom, understanding, and the heart of Christ.

Follow Stuart’s poignant journey from the depths of addiction to the hope of redemption. On a Christmas marked by personal turmoil, Stuart confronts his demons and embarks on a path of transformation. This tale weaves together memories of simpler times with the stark reality of his struggles, illustrating the power of family, hope, and healing. Join Stuart as he navigates the complexities of life, rediscovering the true spirit of Christmas and the possibility of change. A story of resilience, ‘Finding Hope’ is a testament to the enduring human spirit.”

Staring at the screen longingly, I yearn to flirt with the memories dancing in my mind. Yet, it feels as though the gear connecting my brain to my hands has slipped. A disconnect, leaving me wondering: what can I do? Once, my mind effortlessly replayed memories, weaving them into text. Now, bringing even a single… Read more: 67 Slipped Gear

He laughed, a laughed. That didnae happen often in thae days.

It is too wonderful. You are doing the job you always longed for. Your kids are wonderfully happy and bringing nothing but joy to your soul. Real friends, voices, emotions and even touch. The incredible sensation of things hoped for coming to past. Family you thought had long gone are having supper with you. Such… Read more: 41 – Lost (2018)

It started there, it went to there, it change here and it’s going there, just so you know.

“Finally she found a little respite right in the centre of where, for so many years, had been the cause of the storm.”

Piece n chips Posted on Jun 20, 2019 by stupatterson As wee bites go, ye cannae wackthe awesomeness of a Scots snackWhether deep fried Mars,or battered ice creamus Scots know whiteating food really means But for the purposeaw this wee tripa want tae tell yeaboot ma piece n chips Ye know doon in Wales, when in TCnuffink could… Read more: 38 – Milk n a piece n jam (Part 3 – Chips) (1997)

“It is said that no one truly knows a nation until one has been inside its jails. A nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but its lowest ones.” ― Nelson Mandela

“Ardrossan Castle and its big slide. The assault course on the grounds. Football. My studying Ailsa Craig and the classroom studies. I felt ar home here and loved it (did I mention that before).”

This blog was originally going to be part of another, but as I was writing it, it was obvious that the moments recalled needed to be on their own. Christmas 2002. That was tough. Tracy and I were now married and living in our own fantastic apartment in the Irish Financial Services Centre (IFSC) in… Read more: 35 – JP (2002)

“…and I am in Castle Huntly Young Offenders Institution.”

“How does this go? Am I on a bad trip? Does this make sense?”

10 Years ago, Teen Challenge celebrated 50 years. As part of their celebration, a book was commissioned called “So I married a Teen Challenge Graduate”. They took a couple from each of the fifty years. Since I graduated in 1998, Tracy and I were blessed and privileged to be asked to submit our story (Actually… Read more: So I married a Teen Challenge graduate (2018)

“I cannot remember much about my sixteenth birthday. It was 13 February 1986. That’s pretty much it. No great parties. No celebration. I would probably have avoided the house to be at TL’s anyway.”

“The Alex Munro interview came about because the broo said I had to go for it, OR ELSE I WOULD NOT GET ANY BROO MONEY.”

“I thumbed aimlessly through pages and words that seemed to have no relevance to me…”

“You can take it from this skinny preacher from the hills of Pennsylvania; The cross is mightier than the switchblade.”

Hi guys, I know it’s been a few days since I posted, but I had to spend some time living in the present. Since I wrote Bite Size last week I have failed my Maths Prelim I will get over it), been at Applicants Day at Strathclyde University, attended the beautiful wedding of Josh and… Read more: 28 – Time Out

“It was a great feeling walking back down the road that day. It wasn’t a march this time. Just a mum, dad and son making their way home. How normal!”

I sometimes have to wonder Where I might have been today If grace, my life, had not set out to win

“Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also,… Read more: 25 – Mothers Day (1998)

“Out of the darkness arose a blood-curdling noise. It seemed like there were hundreds of them. A deep guttural cry that came from nowhere, accompanied by glints of metal; flashes in the night. All advancing through the tense tremoring fog. All heading straight in our direction.”

“Why do men like me want sons?” he wondered. “It must be because they hope in their poor beaten souls that these new men, who are their blood, will do the things they were not strong enough nor wise enough nor brave enough to do. It is rather like another chance at life; like a… Read more: 23 – Paddy

I have struggled to write moments from my life. I wondered at the ability for others to seemingly do it quite easily, and yet I cant. So much of the past is disconnected. Memories are vague snapshots seen through the fog of time. Glimpsed neurological stimulation’s that flash momentarily as electricity prods them, looking for… Read more: 22 – Flash Memory

“I was forcibly removed from our ground floor flat, taken 100 yards across the road, through the gates that would play a massive role in the next seven years of my life and dumped in a room full of other children that I did not know.”

“This place of family fun and frolics was different at night, under the influence of LSD.”

“It is amazing how addicts learn to push all this aside in the quest for the treasure we seek. I had not had heroin now in over a week. My mind was doing cartwheels in anticipation.”

“I was a good guard, I did not cause much hassle, so they knew I wasn’t at it. But to be fair to them, it was still a highly unusual request.”

Some of you are so blind that you’re heading for a ditch and you don’t even know it.” from ‘The Cross and the Switchblade’ by David Wilkerson

“When out of the darkness comes a car screaming by
They had it all planned, caught me on the fly”

“People often ask how many I smoked, its a stupid question in a lot of ways, because like my drugs, the answer was always as much as I could.”

“Every cell in my body was crying out in response and I knew I needed to go out. Full of nervousness, I turned to the staff member (Phil Winstanley), sitting beside me (I was the new student so I was close-minded) and asked if I could go out.”

One week before I had a gun stuck in my back, here I was now apparently convincing someone not to quit. Welcome to your new life, Stuart.

I bought a packet of cigarettes which thoroughly displeased Steve because, as he said, I was already on the programme and smoking was not allowed. I didn’t see it that way. It set the tone for the next 13 hours travelling on a very warm May Friday.

At every step, it seemed I was being outmaneuvered in my quest to get another £5.

I got out of the situation and quit my job (felt that was the right thing to do given the circumstances).

“The next day I quit my job, well when the boss tries to shoot you it’s a good idea to quit don’t you think”

As good as it seemed initially getting all these drugs for free, I very quickly found out that I needed to dramatically increase my heroin intake to get a stone out of it. The very nature of the methadone made it harder to get a buzz. I was an addict.

Please note that this blog contains a partial description of intravenous drug use. “Paddy, gies a lennae a fiver, wee P has tems and Ive only got 20 quid.” K was very matter of fact. She knew I worked, she knew it was payday and she knew I would give her the fiver. I was… Read more: 7 – THAT first time… (1986)

“As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. Then gradually time awakened again and moved sluggishly on.”― John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men “Mum, I need all the books now, we’re supposed tae hiv them for… Read more: 6 – Of Mice and Men (1982)

ACYO – I WAS THERE YEARS AGO “Innocent as hell, Innocent as hell and its not a lot of fun being here. I can see a few faces I’d rather see, be a few places I’d rather be than here. The judge says, “down you go boy, not to be seen for five years”, he… Read more: 5 -Innocent as Hell (1989)

Prayer Filled Hope Fuelled Romans 15:13 (NKJV) 13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Headlines… In 1998, I had completed  Teen Challenge programme and was awaiting my upcoming graduation. I was part of… Read more: 4 – HOPE FUELLED

Mary, did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man Mary, did you know that your baby boy will calm the storm with his hand Did you know that your bay boy has walked where angels trod? When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God. From… Read more: 3 – Heather did you know? (1970)

“From the streets of Easterhouse to the skies above Johannesburg, my journey is a tale of dreams deferred and ultimately realized. Once lost in addiction, I found redemption and hope, soaring above the very city that witnessed my darkest days. Join me as I reflect on a life transformed by faith, the joy of flight, and the enduring power of childhood dreams.”

Once Christmas meant simple joys: snow, toys, family laughter. Then came silence, addiction, and lost faith. But the story doesn’t end there — this is not only the ghost of Christmas past, but the foundation for recovery and redemption.”