Why do we return to what we already know isn’t good for us? A reflection on patterns, familiar paths, and how real change often begins not with trying harder, but with learning to walk differently.

Sometimes the mind refuses to switch off. The house is quiet, the lights are out, and suddenly your thoughts are holding a full staff meeting about the past, the future, and everything in between. A light reflection on why this happens — and how faith, humour, and perspective can gently quiet the noise.

As our language around trauma and mental health grows, so does the risk of letting wounds become identities. Naming can bring clarity and relief – but healing also requires horizon. This reflection explores how we honour the wound without being defined by it.

In an age fluent in trauma language, this reflection considers why safety, formation, and hope sometimes matter more than prodding the wound.

Long before I had language for trauma or mental health, I learned how to stand still, look up, and carry on. This is a reflection on what that teaches us about healing.

My phone insists I’m in London. My feet insist otherwise. A reflection on presence, place, and what it means to stay where you actually are in a world that is constantly pulling your attention elsewhere.

Bohemian Rhapsody is not a confession of murder nor an exercise in nihilism. It is a ritual execution of identity — the moment Farrokh Bulsara dies and Freddie Mercury is born. This essay reads the song as a psychological, musical, and spiritual turning point, and Mercury’s lifelong silence as an act of mercy rather than mystery.

In 1998, a front-page tragedy and a rough handwritten poem became the quiet heartcry that shaped the next twenty-seven years of my life. This Advent, I look back at how God took that cry from a 28-year-old former addict and opened doors into recovery work, ministry, and even academic study — from leaving school at 15 to pursuing a PhD. Hope fuelled then. Hope fulfilled now. Hope still needed — and still given.

If science can recognise a flaw in our DNA, it’s only because somewhere a perfect pattern exists. Faith names that perfection not as a theory but as a person — Jesus Christ, the living design for a broken world.

A walk through Lochwood Farm becomes a journey through history, memory, and faith. From medieval bishops to industrial tycoons, from childhood wanderings to spiritual rebirth, this is a story of land long bound by power—and the quiet hope that it might finally be shared.

Book 3 in the “Biblical Inspiration for the Weary” series is now available. Joy in God’s Faithfulness offers 30 days of devotional reflections to help weary hearts rediscover gladness rooted in God’s unchanging love.

“Don’t Die on That Hill” Not every conflict is a hill to die on. But some are. This reflection explores leadership, listening, and the difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking — all in light of Calvary’s cross. A call to lead with wisdom, understanding, and the heart of Christ.

I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about tired people. Not just physically tired — though that too. But soul tired. The kind of weariness that doesn’t shift with a nap or a holiday. The kind that builds in quiet corners of grief, anxiety, disappointment, or just long, faithful slog. And not just thinking… Read more: 🌿 Biblical Inspiration for the Weary – Now Available

Follow Stuart’s poignant journey from the depths of addiction to the hope of redemption. On a Christmas marked by personal turmoil, Stuart confronts his demons and embarks on a path of transformation. This tale weaves together memories of simpler times with the stark reality of his struggles, illustrating the power of family, hope, and healing. Join Stuart as he navigates the complexities of life, rediscovering the true spirit of Christmas and the possibility of change. A story of resilience, ‘Finding Hope’ is a testament to the enduring human spirit.”

Staring at the screen longingly, I yearn to flirt with the memories dancing in my mind. Yet, it feels as though the gear connecting my brain to my hands has slipped. A disconnect, leaving me wondering: what can I do? Once, my mind effortlessly replayed memories, weaving them into text. Now, bringing even a single… Read more: 67 Slipped Gear

He laughed, a laughed. That didnae happen often in thae days.

Rich children’s laughter still echoing down through the centuries. A shaft of sunlight through the trees catches my eye, glinting off the feeding trough that ensured the livestock never went without food.

“We take broken down men with no hope…and we give them hope.”

The task for Writing Real Life was to think of one change you would make. One thing. And what you hoped for. A single change –An enabling to go back in time – just once – the gift of fifty. To make one stop and enact one change that would make a difference. My mum… Read more: A single change

“We’ve never really spoke about how I felt growing up with an addict as a brother and all the issues that came with it. “

Instead of the pre-rush of excitement that heroin in my hand used to cause, now it was the dread and fear of finding a “route” to my rush centre.

on the waves through the night down the coast and over the sea rushing to Dublin, my honey to see after our call after midnight with Paul I sneaked away no notice no warning no words did I say, to Pembroke, to a boat to cross the sea, to a bus to the city my… Read more: 61 You’re here (2000)

Originally posted on Window Seat:
A moment in time with a prick in the arm and a rush of confusion and infusion. Opiate racing through my circulation. Its’ horrific bliss with heroin’s kiss My nose is itchy, and my tongue is dry. Stomach retching. Is this the high they spoke about when sharing the wonders…

Tracy and I have seen the faithfulness of God in ways which we knew in theory, that is the Bible told us. but now we know for ourselves that so many of His promises are true.

I did it! I finally did it! Through the clouds of my mind and my own (indulgent) low self esteem in this area of my private universe, I came up with a success. Now this was not a universe shattering, Sky News Headlines sort of success, but that is all relative anyway.

last time it was barbed
pulling my skin
ripping and tugging
blood from there

“No matter your opinion of how cushy prisons maybe, a police station cell door clunking closed behind you, with the noise moving in waves around you, let you know you were going nowhere. Neither that day nor in life.”

“um told us to gather up our stuff (we had not been there long enough to have much). She kept anxiously switching between staring out the living room window and going through the front door to the close entrance, watching for something. If any of us asked what was wrong we would get the “nothing” reply. “

Sipping on a cup of coffee, as I mine away in the memory stores of my mind, I go to Facebook for a moment’s relief. A name pops up of an old friend that I haven’t chatted to in a wee whie. Ahh it’s David, I should say hello. Messenger opened, clicking in the box… Read more: 56 Echoes

Manta ray named Freckles showed divers hooks embedded under her eye  https://mol.im/a/7236185 via http://dailym.ai/android

” By the summer I had my own council flat, ingesting copious amounts of speed, and had nearly overdosed, on paracetamol. “

“Mr Ward, towering next to me, kept whispering to me to relax and all would be ok.”

“”That’s Paddy’s boy.” says number 2. Even some of the Police called my dad by his nickname. “Ah know whit tae dae wi him.””

ALL I WANT
is normality
And yet you give me smack but dress it up
As a cure to make you feel better

“My first game I turn up at Celtic Park and meet with all the others the stewards in the upstairs of the old Celtic Pools Office building. It’s the 25th November and Celtic are playing Rangers. What a start!”

“My dad would have called himself a supporter but didn’t really go to many games. Gary did. No 4 up the Celtic end was our normal place…”

I struggled with sharing this myself as it can be seen as a bit vain, but thought if its done then why not. It may even help some who know me a bit get a deeper insight. I was asked last year to take part in a debate on “Does Scotland need religion” for the… Read more: Does Scotland need religion

At 27 I had the privilege of my real boss pointing a real gun at me and wanting to shoot me.

“These vagabond shoesAre longing to strayRight to the very heart of it…” From New York New York, by Fred Ebb / John Kander David Wilkerson had made the eight-hour drive from his quiet mountain village to downtown Manhattan for a simple reason: to speak to the seven accused gang members about their salvation. In a… Read more: The city that never sleeps

“let me entertain you” rang out the words of the song. I was sitting at my keyboard, watching and waiting on the cur- sor do- ing its mag- ic. My eyes were drawn to the box in the corner that Robbie sang out from. My mind was locked on the screen, now caught up with… Read more: Prisoner

There are over 200 Bible verses that deal directly with the addict and his problem.

I sat in a barber’s chair in Paisley the other day. I am a guy that keeps his hair short, so that is an almost monthly occurrence. Roberto had messed with my head by changing his premises around and moving. I like familiarity so that was slightly more uncomfortable than it should have been –… Read more: 48 – Silver Fine (1988)

“I was sixteen years old, and I was on my way around the corner to score because I was strung out and I needed a fix.”

“Go to Braehead, get a coconut latte in  the Next Costa and wait.”  

I had enjoyed a few minutes chatting to Tracy and some of the other Dubliners. Paul Evans then gave us the look, so we continued packing away all The Evidence gear and getting it into our van. Stephen and I were back at our house in Penygroes before long. Stephen was keen, though to get… Read more: 46 Communication (part4) – Sealed with a… (2000)

A few letters later, it was time for a good old Teen Challenge graduation. These were big occasions. Guys and lassies that had been in the death grip of addiction had broken free because of God’s love in Christ, had completed the requirements of the intensive Teen Challenge programme and were about to graduate. In… Read more: 45 Communication (part 3) – Personal Delivery (2000)

So life carried as normal for a couple of weeks. As I mixed back into the Teen Challenge routine the odd thought would cross my mind about the mysterious Irish lady in the other side of the phone. Tracy was different, though. Whether it was pity, or boredom or something else (after 18 years I… Read more: 44 – Communication (Part 2) – First Class Post (2000)

“Here will ye talk to me mate, no one ever calls him?” And with that sort of well intended remark begain the romance of my life. Stephen was my friend in Teen Challenge, and along with Paul Morgan, at that time we shared a house in Penygroes in South West Wales. We were all graduates… Read more: 43 – Communication (Part 1) – “Talk to me mate” (2000)

stupatterson.wordpress.com 171 Lochend Road. The last close before the hill up to the loch. I knew it well because my granny and granda and our Peter lived there. I spent many a happy day in my pre-teens visiting. Even through to the first days of my teens I was happiest there. Peter would always be… Read more: 42 – Lochwood Farm (1980, 1984, 2018)

It is too wonderful. You are doing the job you always longed for. Your kids are wonderfully happy and bringing nothing but joy to your soul. Real friends, voices, emotions and even touch. The incredible sensation of things hoped for coming to past. Family you thought had long gone are having supper with you. Such… Read more: 41 – Lost (2018)

It started there, it went to there, it change here and it’s going there, just so you know.

“Finally she found a little respite right in the centre of where, for so many years, had been the cause of the storm.”

Piece n chips Posted on Jun 20, 2019 by stupatterson As wee bites go, ye cannae wackthe awesomeness of a Scots snackWhether deep fried Mars,or battered ice creamus Scots know whiteating food really means But for the purposeaw this wee tripa want tae tell yeaboot ma piece n chips Ye know doon in Wales, when in TCnuffink could… Read more: 38 – Milk n a piece n jam (Part 3 – Chips) (1997)

“It is said that no one truly knows a nation until one has been inside its jails. A nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but its lowest ones.” ― Nelson Mandela

“Ardrossan Castle and its big slide. The assault course on the grounds. Football. My studying Ailsa Craig and the classroom studies. I felt ar home here and loved it (did I mention that before).”

This blog was originally going to be part of another, but as I was writing it, it was obvious that the moments recalled needed to be on their own. Christmas 2002. That was tough. Tracy and I were now married and living in our own fantastic apartment in the Irish Financial Services Centre (IFSC) in… Read more: 35 – JP (2002)

Hi thank you for visiting my story. Please find below media interviews etc regarding my story. Stephen Jardine interview, starts 67 minutes in Mark McGivern Daily Record article Mark McGivern article on methadone and me This POST is part of a wider collection to show the journey that would eventually lead me to the cross… Read more: Media Links

“…and I am in Castle Huntly Young Offenders Institution.”

“How does this go? Am I on a bad trip? Does this make sense?”

10 Years ago, Teen Challenge celebrated 50 years. As part of their celebration, a book was commissioned called “So I married a Teen Challenge Graduate”. They took a couple from each of the fifty years. Since I graduated in 1998, Tracy and I were blessed and privileged to be asked to submit our story (Actually… Read more: So I married a Teen Challenge graduate (2018)

“I cannot remember much about my sixteenth birthday. It was 13 February 1986. That’s pretty much it. No great parties. No celebration. I would probably have avoided the house to be at TL’s anyway.”

“The Alex Munro interview came about because the broo said I had to go for it, OR ELSE I WOULD NOT GET ANY BROO MONEY.”

“I thumbed aimlessly through pages and words that seemed to have no relevance to me…”

“You can take it from this skinny preacher from the hills of Pennsylvania; The cross is mightier than the switchblade.”

Hi guys, I know it’s been a few days since I posted, but I had to spend some time living in the present. Since I wrote Bite Size last week I have failed my Maths Prelim I will get over it), been at Applicants Day at Strathclyde University, attended the beautiful wedding of Josh and… Read more: 28 – Time Out

“It was a great feeling walking back down the road that day. It wasn’t a march this time. Just a mum, dad and son making their way home. How normal!”

I sometimes have to wonder Where I might have been today If grace, my life, had not set out to win

“Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also,… Read more: 25 – Mothers Day (1998)

“Out of the darkness arose a blood-curdling noise. It seemed like there were hundreds of them. A deep guttural cry that came from nowhere, accompanied by glints of metal; flashes in the night. All advancing through the tense tremoring fog. All heading straight in our direction.”

“Why do men like me want sons?” he wondered. “It must be because they hope in their poor beaten souls that these new men, who are their blood, will do the things they were not strong enough nor wise enough nor brave enough to do. It is rather like another chance at life; like a… Read more: 23 – Paddy

I have struggled to write moments from my life. I wondered at the ability for others to seemingly do it quite easily, and yet I cant. So much of the past is disconnected. Memories are vague snapshots seen through the fog of time. Glimpsed neurological stimulation’s that flash momentarily as electricity prods them, looking for… Read more: 22 – Flash Memory

“I was forcibly removed from our ground floor flat, taken 100 yards across the road, through the gates that would play a massive role in the next seven years of my life and dumped in a room full of other children that I did not know.”

“This place of family fun and frolics was different at night, under the influence of LSD.”

“It is amazing how addicts learn to push all this aside in the quest for the treasure we seek. I had not had heroin now in over a week. My mind was doing cartwheels in anticipation.”

“I was a good guard, I did not cause much hassle, so they knew I wasn’t at it. But to be fair to them, it was still a highly unusual request.”

Some of you are so blind that you’re heading for a ditch and you don’t even know it.” from ‘The Cross and the Switchblade’ by David Wilkerson

“When out of the darkness comes a car screaming by
They had it all planned, caught me on the fly”

“People often ask how many I smoked, its a stupid question in a lot of ways, because like my drugs, the answer was always as much as I could.”

“Every cell in my body was crying out in response and I knew I needed to go out. Full of nervousness, I turned to the staff member (Phil Winstanley), sitting beside me (I was the new student so I was close-minded) and asked if I could go out.”

One week before I had a gun stuck in my back, here I was now apparently convincing someone not to quit. Welcome to your new life, Stuart.

I bought a packet of cigarettes which thoroughly displeased Steve because, as he said, I was already on the programme and smoking was not allowed. I didn’t see it that way. It set the tone for the next 13 hours travelling on a very warm May Friday.

At every step, it seemed I was being outmaneuvered in my quest to get another £5.

I got out of the situation and quit my job (felt that was the right thing to do given the circumstances).

“The next day I quit my job, well when the boss tries to shoot you it’s a good idea to quit don’t you think”

As good as it seemed initially getting all these drugs for free, I very quickly found out that I needed to dramatically increase my heroin intake to get a stone out of it. The very nature of the methadone made it harder to get a buzz. I was an addict.

Please note that this blog contains a partial description of intravenous drug use. “Paddy, gies a lennae a fiver, wee P has tems and Ive only got 20 quid.” K was very matter of fact. She knew I worked, she knew it was payday and she knew I would give her the fiver. I was… Read more: 7 – THAT first time… (1986)

“As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. Then gradually time awakened again and moved sluggishly on.”― John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men “Mum, I need all the books now, we’re supposed tae hiv them for… Read more: 6 – Of Mice and Men (1982)

ACYO – I WAS THERE YEARS AGO “Innocent as hell, Innocent as hell and its not a lot of fun being here. I can see a few faces I’d rather see, be a few places I’d rather be than here. The judge says, “down you go boy, not to be seen for five years”, he… Read more: 5 -Innocent as Hell (1989)

Prayer Filled Hope Fuelled Romans 15:13 (NKJV) 13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Headlines… In 1998, I had completed  Teen Challenge programme and was awaiting my upcoming graduation. I was part of… Read more: 4 – HOPE FUELLED

Mary, did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man Mary, did you know that your baby boy will calm the storm with his hand Did you know that your bay boy has walked where angels trod? When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God. From… Read more: 3 – Heather did you know? (1970)

“From the streets of Easterhouse to the skies above Johannesburg, my journey is a tale of dreams deferred and ultimately realized. Once lost in addiction, I found redemption and hope, soaring above the very city that witnessed my darkest days. Join me as I reflect on a life transformed by faith, the joy of flight, and the enduring power of childhood dreams.”

Once Christmas meant simple joys: snow, toys, family laughter. Then came silence, addiction, and lost faith. But the story doesn’t end there — this is not only the ghost of Christmas past, but the foundation for recovery and redemption.”