Mark 9:33–37 — A Glaswegian Gospel paraphrase by Paddy Patterson

A Glaswegian paraphrase, written tae be read, no explained.

Weegie — somebody fae Glasgow; usually warm-hearted, sharp-tongued, and allergic tae takin themselves too seriously.

They’d been walkin for a bit when it started.

Nae shoutin. Nae big gestures. Just that low, muttered back-and-forth that sounds hairmless if ye pretend no tae hear it.

“Well, ah did bring him tae Jesus first.”
“Aye, but ah was there when it actually happened.”
“That disnae mean anythin.”

Jesus walked a few steps ahead o them. Said nothing. Let them get oan wi it.

By the time they reached the hoose, the discussion hid become… spirited.

Inside, they sat doon. Jesus waited till everybody wiz settled, then turned and looked it them.

“So,” He said, casual as anything, “whit were ye aw arguin aboot oan the road?”

Silence.

The kind o silence that arrives aw at wance, like everybody’s agreed tae stop breathin.

Peter stared at the floor. Andrew fun a bit o wall that suddenly needed his full attention. Somebody coughed — immediately regretted it.

Nae one answered.

Jesus didnae rush them. He just sat doon, same as ever, like He had all the time in the world.

Then He says, “If onybody wants tae be first, they’ve got tae be last. Servant o the lot.”

Still nae response.

So Jesus stood up, went tae the corner, and brought a wee wean back wi Him. Set the wean right in the middle o them.

The wean looked up, no sure why aw these grown men were starin.

Jesus put His haund oan the wean’s shooder.

“Whoever welcomes wan o thae in ma name,” He said, “welcomes me. An whoever welcomes me disnae just welcome me — they welcome the wan who sent me.”

The lads nodded. Slowly. Carefully. Like they were haundlin somethin fragile.

The wean smiled, completely unfazed.

And the argument that had seemed so important a mile ago never came up again.

If this gied ye a smile, there’s mair here. This is pairt o the If Jesus wiz a Weegie series.
If ye’re lookin for somethin heavier, that lives here.

There’s other rooms in this place anaw.