Mark 8:13-21 A Glaswegian Gospel paraphrase by Paddy Patterson

A Glaswegian paraphrase, written tae be read, no explained.

“Four thoosand,” says Andrew. “Four thoosand,” he says again, like he’s makin sure the number’s still real. “Wi a wee bit a breid.”

“Aye,” Peter chips in. “That’s right.”

Jesus climbs back intae the boat, says hee-haw, just this look oan His face like He’s thinkin aboot somethin else entirely. The lads aw look at wan another, waitin, but He disnae say a word.

It’s only then Andrew clocks it. Wan loaf. That’s aw they’ve goat wi them. But they’ve already shoved aff, so there’s no much tae be done aboot it noo.

Once the boat’s well aff, water slappin the sides like it’s settlin in for the journey, the loaf becomes… noticeable. It sits there between them. Wrapped up neat. Daein its best tae look impressive.

Naebody touches it. Touchin it would mean admittin somethin’s went wrong.

Jesus is starin oot across the loch, calm as anything, like He’s no once in His life worried aboot lunch. After a bit He lifts His heid and looks aroon them.

“Mind,” He says. “Watch oot for the yeast o the Pharisees. An that Herod anaw.”

Andrew looks at the loaf. He disnae plan tae. It just… offers itsel. Yeast. Breid. Right. Aye. That adds up.

He gives a wee nod. Just tae himself. Somebody else nods back. Then another. They aw stop noddin when they realise they’re aw noddin.

“So,” somebody mutters, low enough tae pretend it’s no really a statement, “this is aboot the breid, then.”

Nae one argues.

It’s no panic. It’s worse. It’s that tight feelin ye get when ye think ye’ve annoyed somebody important and ye’re no sure how.

Jesus turns roon. No sharp. No dramatic. Just turns, like He’s only just noticed the atmosphere in the boat.

“Why are you talkin aboot the breid?”

He sounds genuinely puzzled. Like breid’s wandered intae the conversation by mistake.

There’s a pause. Andrew realises he’s still starin at the loaf. He looks away quick, which somehow makes it worse.

Jesus looks roon them, wan by wan, waitin. Giein them time. Plenty time, actually.

“Dae ye still no get it?” He says.

Nae one answers.

The boat keeps movin. The water does what water does. And the loaf sits there, daein absolutely nothin tae help the situation.

If this gied ye a smile, there’s mair here.
This is pairt o the If Jesus wiz a Weegie series.

There’s other rooms in this place anaw.