Google Maps spread out before you and you sit there, puzzled and guessing which route to choose? Your normal route choked up and blocked and you don’t know where to turn?
That was me staring at my veins as one after another collapsed with the garbage dressed up as diacetylmorphine, (heroin to you and me) and amphetamine sulphate (speed to those that know) I used to pump into them.
The normal sight of purple and red snaking down my arms was a dim and distant memory. Instead of the pre-rush of excitement that heroin in my hand used to cause, now it was the dread and fear of finding a “route” to my rush centre.
Long gone were the days when I would roll up my left sleeve and pump my 1 mil morphine laced hypodermic into my median cubital vein.
Five years I had punished that particular freeway for before it closed down on me.
Now it was cold sweats, intense stares and fear that I would miss the show of blood and miss the rush of opiate. READER you have no idea how big a deal that was for me??????
Dread pouring out of my stress glands, increasing the heat AND the pressure, fingers trembling on the trigger – I would pull back – longing – hoping – begging for the RED that would begin the relief – I had got the right route and I could begin the drive into my cardio vascular and central nervous system.
Opiates have a funny way of dictating me like that. A mere drop of chemicals in a calcium carbonate mix had the ability to enslave me to their rhythm and route – but here I was again for the thousand million billionth time-
But there it is – the rhythm of the rush coordinating my being like no power on earth ever could – all is right with the world – for a few seconds.
This POST is part of a wider collection to show the journey that would eventually lead me to the cross of Jesus Christ, my personal redemption, and my journey of faith afterwards. If you would like to know more of my story, please click on my “About” page and take it from there.
Alternatively, you can visit the Media Links page and see a short visit done by BBC Radio Scotland for an interview I did there.
I have now released an early edition of my story, Completing the Tenner.
I have also published two poem books: Simply Jesus and Five Weeks in May
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There is now a devotional aimed at new Christians called “Take a seat“ this is available direct from me.
If you or someone you love, needs help with the Christian response to addiction, or if you would just like to know more or need hope, please click on one of the following:
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Stuart Patterson
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Completing the Tenner 